If you have visited our forum www.athomedad.org lately (and I’m sure that you have!), you may have noticed a lot of discussions regarding the difficulties some at-home dads are having in their relationships that they believe are directly related to their non-traditional role. One dad complains that he is depressed in part because he believes his wife no longer respects him. Another feels that his wife cheated on him because he is at home instead of out at work. A wife of an at-home dad wonders what she can do to help her husband whom she feels is failing as an at-home dad.
What’s going on here? Reading these many threads makes one wonder, as Daweski did in his post about the “curse of the at-home dad.” Do at-home dads face more relationship problems than working dads?
There is no question that we at-home dads face a unique set of circumstances when it comes to our role in our families. We are doing something that most of society doesn’t believe we should be doing. We are doing something that is contrary to what society has prescribed for us or that our upbringing demanded of us.
This can make us feel inadequate sometimes because we feel washing dishes and wiping butts are less than manly. Our wives can even see us this way because this is not the dream they had for their husbands and this is not the dream they had for themselves as the type of mother they thought they would be.
I don’t think, however, any of this suggests, as Daweski wondered in his post, that at-home dads are cursed with the inevitability of relationship problems any more than working dads.
What I think is really happening is that at-home dads may be more interested in trying to find solutions to their relationship problems than the general population.
And, fortunately, we have an excellent resource to go to and get valuable advice from other at-home dads going through some of the same issues as them.
We aren’t cursed.
Quite the opposite.
We’re blessed that we have a place to honestly ask for help where we are not judged for our decision to forgo convention and be at-home with our kids.
If you have an great relationship with your spouse, please visit one of these threads on www.athomedad.org and offer your advice for these struggling at-home dads. If you are struggling in your relationship, please start your own thread and ask for help (you can do it anonymously here).
We’re all in this together!