It’s the bottom of the fifth. The bases are loaded thanks to a well placed single and a couple of walks. One of our wives stands on second waiting for a good outfield hit, maybe something in the gap that could drive her home. Some of our kids are there to watch us play in the SIDS softball tournament. They are finishing their free donuts and hotdogs watching as some of their dads and moms get a chance at old forgotten glory. They cheer as one of the KCDADS walks up to the plate. He winks at his daughter and tells the ump that his whole family is here to watch him.
He digs in at the plate and checks his third base coach. She nods. His runner at first begins to lead off, just a little. The third base runner gets into her runner’s stance. The pitcher looks down the pipeline and seems to size up the hitter, a KCDAD. He does his wind up, the pitch comes. Bases loaded, ball in the air, glory to be taken.
The KCDAD promptly strikes out.
Which is not as bad as it sounds given that the score of this third game is 24 to 1. This is an improvement over last year because we have actually managed to score a run this time. The team that we are playing against could easily compete for the world series, the Yankee’s even sent some scouts to the game. Their big player went yard on us 3 times. Twice to left field and just to show us he could, opposite field. But the joke is on him, every home run after the first one is an out unless we match your homers. At 24 to 1, it is evident that we didn’t do that. One of our players was checking her text messages in right field.
But at least they are cool about it. After All, it’s for charity and nothing should get to serious. That’s why the KCDADS are playing the college kids who obviously have time to go to the batting cage and take steroids. I can no longer afford roids because my kids are now in Girl Scouts and Karate, those things get expensive. They just don’t give you those little blue vests for nothing, you have to pay for them. And every time my son Karate kicks a ninja assassin through a bank window, guess who has to pay for that window? Not the bank president who’s millions in laundered money was just saved from the cartel. I do, little old KCDAD who is not on steroids so that he can be better at softball. Maybe when I was in college I could atleast score some HGH or perhaps do a little blood doping but who has the time for those things anymore, I’ve got a PTA meeting.
However the KCDADS still show up to do these things because this is what it means to be part of a community and this is what my dad’s group has given me. A community of like minded individuals that are all equally bad at softball. It’s a bit deeper than just softball of course, sometimes we actually run in charity runs for other diseases. Well, I don’t run but I do drive the minivan that contains the Gatorade. Everyone has a purpose and mine is clear. Get the Gatorade to the runners and try to score some roids if possible.
I know that there are a lot of at home dads out there that don’t have a dad’s group or haven’t tried to join one yet. It makes life easier, trust me. It gives you someone that can relate directly to what you are going through. This job isn’t easy and brothers in your fox hole is a great thing. Then you can join our charity softball team and score some aspirin that we pretend are steroids.
When the game ended, mercifully at 24 to 1, we didn’t come away empty handed. We left the field with one stained knee, several pulled hamstrings and of course the required busted lip requiring 4 stitches. But like a champ, the wife who took one to the face came back from the ER to play in the last game.
Next year the KCDADS might stick to what we do best. We manipulate young people, day in and day out. We are actually great at it. So next year I’m going down to the local college and I’m going to recruit a group of young all star baseball players with the inducement of a case of beer. They’ll play of course under the header of “KCDADS” and everyone will wonder how such young guys barely young enough to shave have children so early in life. Me and the other fellow “owners” will sit back and drink the good stuff while we give the college kids the generic crap.
After all, it’s for charity.