I thought once she moved past the terrible twos that the tantrums would subside but her threenager stage is worse than anything we had to deal with in the beginning stages of toddlerhood. Our other kids didn’t have tantrums much. My son didn’t have his first one until the very day of his second birthday. But, once you introduce some kind of stressor, a tantrum is a toddler’s best friend. They are using this outburst to let you know they are frustrated or upset but they don’t know how to accurately deal with it.
I have faced tantrums that have raged on for hours. One of which my child seemed to go into a catatonic state. Once, my two year old daughter had such a fit that she screamed non stop which resulted in her losing her voice and ultimately throwing up because she was so overcome. Sometimes kids are inconsolable and you can’t reason with them. So just how do you deal with it? And what do you do with them when you are in a public place and they decide to meltdown because they can’t have that Lego set?
Here is the #Dadvice that stay at home dads suggest about dealing with temper tantrums:
If we’re at home and it’s something random I find waiting it out works well. Just don’t engage. I tell them we can talk about it when they calm down. If we’re out, and it’s possible, I just bail on what we’re doing. They get the lesson, you don’t get to go to the playground / museum / grocery store when you’re not behaving. Then they get a punishment, usually time out when they get home. YMMV, but most of this is variations on the time out. Counter the energy of the tantrum with low, calm voice, counter the non-sense with logic and non-engagement. I have a bit of temper myself, so it’s been a challenge for me to learn how to keep cool, especially when driving. But, on year 8 of parenthood now, I’ve got much more stamina now than a few years ago.
I don’t accept it. I don’t feed it. I usual remove or relocate from whatever the triggers or over stimulation are and use quietness, logic, meditation and humor. (Sometimes food and water are the answer.)
I don’t deal with his tantrums…straight to a 2-3 min time out, no talking/noises. If it escalates and refuses to sit in quiet time out, could lead to go to his room or 1 quick backside connection to readjust his attitude. We then talk about we he did wrong, not listening, etc., is he allowed to do this and is he going to do it again, followed by a hug.
I think sometimes it’s a phase, like around 18 months, where their emotions are out of control or where they can’t tell you what they want so they break down. We do time outs where they sit on a designated chair and can’t come out till they calm down. Also around 18 months and sooner, try and teach sign language like “hungry”, “more”, “all done” so they can communicate with you their needs. Also, I’ve found a kid is at their worst when they are sick, hungry or tired so try and diagnose what’s really going on, you might be able to avoid a timeout by resolving their problem.
I’ll usually put my son in his room and tell him not to come out until he’s in control of himself. He goes nuclear for 5-10 min and then comes out calm as ever.