I am clearly in favor of the third purpose overall on a day-to-day basis, but I think the second purpose is the most important if a conflict arises. Hence, my vote went to the second purpose.

Randy
Cincinnati, OH
SAHD to Ryder (23 months)

This poll forces you into response number 2. Primarily, it is the last phrase, "...even if it's clearly negative or unfriendly" that is the wedge.

No, one except me for spite, can truly answer this any other way. Of course we all care about new AHDs and their first impressions.

Randy tried to do the end run around the pigeon hole here, and I thought about doing the same thing, but it just won't work that way.

If you post something that could be perceived as negative, you have a duty to post something else that could be perceived as positive. We don't want negative posters all of the time. I try to strike a good balance. If we all actively try to contribute positive content, pats on the back and good, strong support for each other, then Google searches and first impressions will be taken care of without suppressing the already suppressed.

If someone says they were offended, just apologize and don't pick on them again. It's that easy.

First of all, I really don't like any of the three choices presented and I don't think they represent, to me, what this board is about. To me, more than anything else, AtHomeDad.org is about the third and fourth thing mentioned up on the banner there, connections and community.

"At-home dads are viewed suspiciously by society. We need to improve this, so presenting a positive image is most important."

I presented the story that Lindsay Ferrier of Nashville Scene wrote effectively slamming SAHDs and was met with harsh criticism to the effect that since we're SAHDs we shouldn't care what others think of us. The above question seems to fly in the face of "we don't care what others think." The above question implies that this site is somehow responsible for how SAHDs are perceived in society, and I will animatedly disagree with that. This site, if it is truly an "oasis for stay-at-home dads," can't have it both ways. You can't say it's for SAHDs, but it's also so concerned about how they're perceived that policing of threads and censorship is necessary. As I said earlier, if we are true to ourselves then what we present here is no different than how we are in reality. As such the topics and wordage used here should reflect that.

New dads need help. We want them to feel welcome here. So, appearing friendly and welcoming is most important.

I've never seen a post that can be construed as unfriendly or unwelcoming. But, by the same token, the layout and program used for this forum is far from welcoming or friendly. There is no specific area to welcome new members. You simply jump in to the pool and start treading water, with no way to wade out into deeper waters. Furthermore, everyone here knows what it's like to be a new SAHD and no one would ever not welcome someone new or offer any assistance needed.

We need to be able to talk. Everyone should be allowed to say whatever they'd like, even if it's clearly negative or unfriendly.

This choice bothers me the most. It's obvious from the other polls conducted recently that the majority that have voted would choose this option, but the inclusion of "even if it's clearly negative or unfriendly" almost automatically precludes choosing this response. As I alluded to previously, I have never seen anyone going out of their way to be clearly negative or unfriendly. It simply hasn't happened in my experience. Have people taken things out of context and therefore become offended? Absolutely, but that happens everywhere. No amount of policing or moderation is going to prevent that and any attempt to do so is futile.

So, what am I getting at? The purpose of AtHomeDad.org should be about connecting with other stay-at-home dads and providing a online community through which they can voice their unique views, opinions, and problems. There are other sites out there with a plethora of information and resources for and about SAHDs that are better suited to fill the needs of those seeking that type of content. But in stark comparison, there is very little in the way of dedicated forums for SAHDs to be with other SAHDs and therefore be themselves. With this in mind I can not in good conscience pick any of the above choices. The third choice hits closest to home for me, but those seven words at the end ruin it, and almost force me into choosing number two which I won't do.

-Will
http://www.gamingwithbaby.com all your diapers are belong to us
fatdadcooking.com coming soon!
my flickr

Well, I don't claim to be a survey expert. I'm doing my best. I have no predetermined agenda.

Basically, the goal is to determine how much and what types of behavior people are willing to tolerate so that we can proceed accordingly. For example, of someone suggests that at-home dads look like lazy, unemployed, losers who like to hit on moms at the park, that's not an image that most of us would like to promote (because it's not accurate, among other reasons). Similarly, most people don't enjoy reading threads where people endlessly bitch at each other. In yet other cases, people resent having to restrain themselves.

All of these things conflict to some degree. So, what is the balance that's right for this site?

If you don't like my survey choices, do you have any suggestions?

I voted for three, but I feel strongly that there is no inherent conflict.

The discussion forums shouldn't be directly compared with the rest of the site. There are many facets to this site, and the discussion forum is the one where there seems to be the most participation. However, look at the many guests we have who aren't directly participating in the discussion, and one can imagine that they are looking for recipes, reading articles, searching for local groups, etc. You can be all things: welcoming to new Dads, informative to the press and public, and open to free and honest discourse.

When a moderator tries to push an agenda on a discussion board or tries to focus conversation into a pre-chosen theme, it will become stale and stifling for those who participate. I know this thread is specifically about priorities, but for what- the site, the discussions, the intentions of the participants? As revealed in the poll results, people's priorities are all over the map. That's what I would expect, and it means that this site functions quite well as representative of everybody's interests.

The boards are fine the way they are. If I can offer one suggestion, it would be to have the forums on a completely seperate page than the main site. If people are that paranoid about the thread titles tarnishing the image of AHDs (rolling eyes now) than it would be best to seperate the discussion forums from the main site via a link (like dadstayshome.com does), but if that were to happen I'd prefer a more organized forum. And I would warn that nobody would visit the main page except for the random reporter and new people. Everyone would just bookmark the forums. If that were to happen, we would lose some of the unity that makes this place special.

I agree with much of what has been said in here. This is a place where those of us who are home everyday can get information, vent, share successes and trials, and many other things. To say that any of the stuff here doesn't have to do with being an at-home parent is kind of ridiculous. We all have many different sides to us and each of these parts make us the parent we are. Sure some of the recent things in here maybe aren't directly related to being home, but they are still a part of what makes us who we are. And on top of that, where else can we find a safe place to maybe ask some of the embarrassing questions we've wanted to ask but never dared. I do believe in being tactful and appropriate about how we ask/post things but that line will be different for each dad here depending on their own personal beliefs. That being said, I feel we all need to be patient and tolerant with each other, and I would hate to see the site change. If someone doesn't like what is being posted, don't read it. I don't always read all the posts that are here. I don't like football so guess how often I read the ones about football? Pretty much never. So if you don't want to know about sex toys, or shaving pubic hair, or the taste people have in music, or having a vasectomy, don't read it. That one is easy. So there you have it, my two cents.

PS I still thing the chat feature should be put back...then we could all yell at each other in person instead of posting it in a forum. :P

heck out my ramblings on life at http://www.sahdguy.blogspot.com/

I don't think there is a problem with any of the current topics or that there should be topics that are off limits. Maybe if a thread gets too much like "handbags at dawn" or degenerates it can be sent to some sort of quarantine where people can continue their conversation without dominating the site's front page or always being at the top of the forums? Of course this would require moderation. Maybe one or two of the regular contributers could volunteer?
If this site is the NAACP for AHDs (NAAAHD?) thats something else. Some arbitrary standard of appropriateness would kill the forum.

My thoughts exactly.

Randy
Cincinnati, OH
SAHD to Ryder (23 months)