Bill Simmons 2 Kids Rant

shuaevan
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OK I know we have a ton of non-sports dads on this site but ESPN2 columnist Bill Simmons wrote this mini-rant during one of his recent columns that I thought was kinda funny....especially since I'm in a only child world right now:

That reminds me, somebody needs to launch a Web site for anyone thinking about having two or more kids. The Web site would be called "Why Didn't You Effing Tell Me?" and would include the following features:

# The "Why Didn't You Effing Tell Me?" Blog, in which dads rip into their buddies for not warning them to stick with one kid.

# A quote page of deranged things said by mothers melting down as both of their kids were crying at the same time; stuff like, "I swear to God, I'm going to stick this baby in the microwave soon and defrost him!" and "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU WANTED TWO, I WISH YOU WERE DEAD!!!!"

# A detailed explanation of my buddy Sully's 12 Percent Theory, which can be described in one sentence like this: "Assuming women start out at 100 percent on the Sanity Scale, every time she passes a living being out of her body, she becomes 12 percent less sane." By the way, this is why Hillary Clinton can run for president -- she only had one kid, so she's operating at 88 percent capacity. Still much higher than George W. Bush.

# Transcripts of incoherent shouting matches between sleep-deprived parents.

# Live webcams featuring streaming video inside the living rooms of families with two or more kids. And before anyone decides to have a second kid, by federal law, they'd have to spend three hours surfing around this Web site.



randyfielding
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I'll have to admit...

...that I like the zing towards Bush and Hillary much better than the rest of it! ;-)

The line about the kid in the microwave was not too funny to me, since a woman that lived about 30-45 minutes from me in Ohio actually did that; she murdered her baby in a microwave with the actual microwaves. We here -- in Ohio at least -- had to hear about that story for months, and it sickens me now just to think about it.

Thanks for the post though. My wife and I are having the "two-kid" conversation right now!

Randy
Cincinnati, OH
SAHD to Ryder (23 months)



Uke_Skywalker
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The Jump from 2-3

Quote:
My wife and I are having the "two-kid" conversation right now!

The bump up from 1 to 2 can kind of set you back, but I had heard that the jump from 2-3 was easy, that is totally false that is where you change from a man to a zone defense! But beside the fact that we can't put them back, I wouldn't change a thing, when they are not fighting, they are great friends and playmates.

I didn't really have that much to say, I just wanted to try out all the new buttons, Mike you ROCK like a Hurricane!!

db
Father of three,
Mac (6), Tavie(4), and Buddy(3)
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Denver_Dad/



sfoster
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Definitely

Politics -- Funny
Sleep Deprivation -- Funny, after the fact
Kids in Microwave -- Crossing into not-so-good taste

By the way, go for two. Just tell her (lie) that it won't be as difficult with the second. Or tell her she has to deal with the discomfort for nine months and you will take it for the next 18 years or so.

Sorry, I know I shouldn't butt in, but that's what I do: annoy people with opinions. Either decision is the right one -- one or two... or three or ten kids. And you probably know that. Each route has different dynamics.



cmegg
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Bill Simmons?

Josh,

How can a yankees fan stand to read a boston team based sports writer? I stay away from him until baseball seaon.



JPhillip
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It's so true.

The jump from one to two is ridiculously hard. The bump from two to three wasn't as big a deal. We were already in the deep end.

Ps. Microwave joke was pretty tasteless.



shuaevan
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I am an open-minded...

person who feels that entertainment can be found even in the most ludicrous of places, the mind of a Red Sox fan....

Plus he had to talk about the Pats losing, kinda fun.

Btw, I must be out of NJ too long because I am predicting (sans injury) an EASY repeat in the East for Boston. (In the AL? Don't know. Tigers look tough, so do the Angels, but who cares about LA....)

Josh

SAHD Since August 2005



jmc
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Dad Points: 59
bigger families

It's funny that we think a few kids is insane. You look back a generation or two and having more than five kids was the norm.



sfoster
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Re: The Jump from 2-3

"But beside the fact that we can't put them back, I wouldn't change a thing,"

That reminded me: After our firstborn was a few months old, my wife and I went to visit another new mother with a newborn at the hospital. I walked up to the nurse's counter, plopped my son on her desk and politely asked, "Excuse, where do we go for returns?"

She couldn't talk for a minute, and I kept straight-faced, wanting to see how long it would take for her to figure out if I was serious, but my wife intervened since she is more familiar with my (warped) humor. I think the nurse is still concerned about my son's well-being.



CiaAlum92
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We too are in nagotiations.

-for a number two.

Quote:
My wife and I are having the "two-kid" conversation right now!

Chef Kevin

You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you post can and will be used against you in stupid persons blog.
You have the right to have an opinion during posting .
If you can not decide on an opinion. One will be written for you.



JPhillip
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re: Bigger Families

By the time you get to three kids, the oldest is more independent ( b/c he is old enough) and so the job doesn't become too much harder. That's why the jump to two (if close together) is a lot harder than the jump to three, four, ... ten.

If you have a very large family, the older kids help a lot. My grandmother came from a family of more than 15. She had sisters and brothers that were like second and third parents for her. You also have built-in housekeeping and babysitting with very large families.



dkremers_1965
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I Agree

I agree with JPhillip. The jump from 1 to 2 was much more difficult than the one from 2 to 3. I love them all and wouldn't give any of them back...at least most days...but it was much more a shock going to 2. Although the biggest shock was going from 0 to 1 kid. Holy cow was that a surprise!

Check out my ramblings on life at http://www.sahdguy.blogspot.com/



CiaAlum92
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1-2 question

-How much of and adjustment if you 1st is above 3yrs old?
Chef Kevin

You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you post can and will be used against you in stupid persons blog.
You have the right to have an opinion during posting .
If you can not decide on an opinion. One will be written for you.



JPhillip
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To Chef:

I think 3yrs apart is still going to be a big adjustment. But, my experience is only with 2yrs apart.



sfoster
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Dad Points: 241
If Bill Simmons only knew

what he started here, would he quit ESPN2 and go to a Family site?

My oldest son was three (two months shy of four) when our twins were born in 2002. We started getting him excited about having little siblings, and he was excited. A few hours after they were born, we sat him in the hospital chair and put them in his lap. He still thinks that was awesome. It was a great time.

The only two problems I remember were (1) that I was prob'ly freaking out a bit too much about being more careful around the babies -- and a lot of my reaction came from my sleep deprivation; and (2) they were obviously getting more attention -- feeding, diapers, etc. -- and he didn't like that. We talked, he acted jealous. We all lived through it. I keep telling myself that most of this was normal family stuff.

And here we are, five years later, and the two boys are best buds... when they aren't killing each other.



jmc
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Joined: 2007-12-12
Dad Points: 59
re: Bigger Families

For us, the fourth one was the biggest transition. I don't have a good theory as to why that was, but when I've talked to others they've said the same thing. Thats based on two conversations, so my sample size is not large though.

I read one blog authored by a mom who has six kids and she home schools. She is as sarcastic as anything, but you can tell she really loves her kids and what she's doing. I have so much respect for someone who can do that and stay sane. Plus she's kind of cute and that helps.



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