There's a huge gap in the end of that piece.

was this guy a SAHD prior to meeting this woman?
if so, where's his kid(s)?

or is he now staying home to take care of her daughter?

sounds like she's got some issues.

This woman has got to be kidding me… My only hope is that her new SAHD leaves her for a SAH mom from the playground and they live happily ever after off of her alimony.

dg

Hello all. I'm the "beta husband" from that story and I wanted to tell some of my side of the story. Actually I should probably try to do that in Marie Claire, but this will probably make me feel better anyway.

Mr. Eckhardt is absolutely right. My self-esteem started to fall after I failed to get into the PHD program I wanted after I got my Masters degree and kept plummeting until Alpha Mom and I separated and I finally started getting help for it. Right around the time I graduated I had to deal with my father dying, Alpha Mom getting pregnant and deciding to leave her job and trying to negotiate the ultra-competitive New York job market with little experience and a purely academic degree.

I don't think anyone will be surprised to find that I became seriously depressed. I'd say I was depressed for five of the six years we were married. So, there I was every day enjoying the hell out of my daughter but resentful that I was expected to assume total responsibilty for the housekeeping and working part-time jobs that never turned into anything bigger, always feeling ashamed that I wasn't the big breadwinner. I was too crippled by low self esteem and fear of rejection to seriously look for better employment and unable to accept myself as a stay-at-home dad because I wasn't one by choice.

During this time Alpha Mom would say "do you think maybe you should get professional help?', but I felt that that would just confirm that I was weak. She would say, "If you were passionate about being a stay at home dad, I would be okay with it", but I felt that whe wasn't being truthful and that what she really wanted was for me to figure out a way to support her and let her stay at home. Maybe I was wrong on that, since the guy she started seeing while we were still married (actually we technically are still married, we haven't signed anything yet) is apparently just as underemployed.

So, that's what happened from my perspective. I feel I've worked my way out of depression and now I'm working on having better self-esteem. I'm still underemployed - I get full time hours, but no benefits, but I'm hoping that will change as I mend my fractured psyche. I still stay at home with my daughter on the days that I have her, this time by choice, and I still enjoy the time we spend together. Alpha Mom and I are still friendly and I like our new relationship much more than the old one.

I hope this will give you guys a better idea of what happened in that situation and maybe help out any stay at home dads who are in a similar situation.

Well said, Howard. I am happy to see you here at athomedad.org!

I really enjoy the articles you write for the Daily Southtown in Chicago. I look forward to reading them every Wednesday. For those of you who didn't meet Howard at the convention, I'll go ahead and give him the unsolicited advetisement!

Check out Howard's column at...

http://www.dailysouthtown.com/lifestyles/ludwig/index.html

Greetings to Bubba and The Wife!

Brian

P.S. Dad's Night Out tonight 2/25 @ 7:30 at Twisted Spoke on Ogden & Grand Avenue. Hope you can make it!

I thank Beta Dad for filling in the blanks. You are THE Alpha-DAD to me! Your attitude is great. Yours is a cautionary tale is good ammo for us at-home dads to work on the important things and to get help when we need it. The story could go exactly the same way with the role-reversal of the role-reversal. ????

We need to take care of ourselves AND our families because the best gift we can give our children is a mother and father who love each other very much and love their kids too. Other arrangement of families have the same goals but I speaking from my own experience.

At first, the article seemed to bring up more questions that it answered. I am glad we have a place to discuss this and understand a little more about what is going on. We are here for you, Mark. We are dads, proud dads! (Hogan H.)