It is hard for me sometimes to keep my cool with my kids. I get that they are striving for their independance, but it is seriously getting in the way of my parenting. I don't have any other friends who have kids and everyone else i know that has them lives a couple hours away. What i want to know is, how often do other parents have the urge to toss their kids out the window? (too all who read this, I would never do anything to hurt my kids)
Frustration with kids
Do you mean
Per day or a weekly average? Just 10 seconds ago my daughter fell off of a chair that I have told her AT LEAST 30 times today to not climb on. I could have easily thrown her out the window. Like you, I wouldn't hurt her, but I've sure as hell just wanted to start screaming sometimes!
More
I guess I could share a coping mechanism. My daughter and I have started chanting "Oomm" when we get really frustrated. It buys you a couple of seconds to catch your breath and think things through. It sounds silly, but it works for us. I guess it's kind of like counting to 10 or whatever.
But anyway- you're not alone. I'm not joking that at least several times a week I could just lose it. That was the biggest change for me staying at home. At the office we frequently lost our temper and frankly, I was known for being a real hard a--hole who would cuss you up one side and down the other. Learning to have patience with a then infant was quite a change.
hold on...
gotta toss my kid out the window.
Now what were you saying?
I Would Say
30-45 minutes of every hour in the average day.
How many times do I have to tell you "No", or, it really sucks when I get argued with why it will hurt when you crash your bike if you ride it on the snow or ice with a "nu ughhh". Go ahead make my day, just don't bleed or break bones or you will be in real trouble!
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Make Babies, Not War!
I Wanna Know How Forever Feels...
Yeah me too
Hi Norman,
We had a particularly bad spell here with sick relatives bringing germs into the house and then once the kids felt better, everyone else was still too sick to let the kids go visit so I could be sick in peace.
I knew I was getting frustrated and whatnot but I didn't know how much until my 2 yr old said...
"Stop yell at me Dada"
Now anytime I start getting crazy I look at him and remember him saying that and I calm right down and hug him.
my son
My son is a good kid, but he is not yet 6, so we've had several bouts with where I get to my boiling point. He never went through the terrible two's, so until he was three we were in bliss. But I would hear my neighbors yelling at their boys (who are roughly 18 months older than my son) and think, "Wow, those guys yell a lot. They're not good dads." Then my son turned three and started hitting and kicking when we would change his diaper, and laughing in our faces. Throw lots of tantrums, esp. in the tub, which made it very dangerous. I yelled 'til I was blue in the face and it didn't do either of us any good. I've learned to mellow out a bit, change the subject with him, or just start laughing and then he'll laugh too (if he's crying or pissed off). Still, I do get mad at him; that's natural.
I hope that I've learned my lesson and won't be as angry with my daughter as she gets older (she's only 8 months).
As a matter of fact, I just lost it
My kids started whining to me for cinnamon toast this morning, and it was simply the final straw after a really, really whiny morning. I lost it, yelled for a bit, and I've been brooding on it ever since. But, we'll all get past it.
Most of the time, though, before I feel like exploding, I just clamp my mouth shut (seriously) and go to another room to cool off for a minute. That usually does it for me.
But I really like Jon's "Ommmm" thing. I think I will try that sometime. Is it "omm" or "oom"? Which is more zennish?
As for tossing them out the window, we live in a one-story house, so it doesn't hurt that much. Just keep the windows open so the glass doesn't spray. :-)
Windex and dry dishtowels
Tossing the boy out the window? Tempting, but I just cleaned them.
As I have mentioned before, the aerodynamic properties of dry dishtowels warrent them for my tantrum throw objects. I can grab one after a blowout with my 4 year old over whatever it was I've told him he can't have for the 50th time in the last 30 seconds, and can wing said dry towel at him, the cats, across the room, and any window, etc..., and not fear damage to anything other than an elbow ligament. I highly recommend it.
Hockey pucks thrown at the door that goes between the kitchen and garage in a fit of 4 year old tantrum induced rage.....not highly recommended.
Oh, by the way, have I mentioned how good Mr. Clean Erasers are for removing puck marks from hockey gear, hockey sticks, and doors between kitchens and garages?????
Not Me, no... never...
My kids? Frusterating? Please, they're angels.
Okay, really, they're not. I have not yet found a foolproof way to end whining, tantrums, or otherwise awful behavior. That said, a short course or quick read from a parenting resource like Love & Logic will offer a handful of good techniques. Not all of them work, not all are based in reality, but in every bunch you can always find something that works for you.
Personally, I have shifted to "I'll start listening to you when you stop whining." type statements. Said once or twice followed by silence from me until they comply. Even works on the 16 mo. old. (SOMETIMES)
This does take a great deal of tuning out to be successful.
Jim
Dad to Cole, Luke & Trev
Windows are expensive
My 12 yr old has ADHD, and when he really wears on me I make him take the dogs for a walk. Can't afford to throw him through the window. Besides I'd probably get a personal injury just trying. Indiana Personal Injury Attorney
Hahaha. I feel like you
Hahaha. I feel like you constantly. I was in the Marine corps for 6 years, and a Deputy Sheriff for 2 so my usual way of dealing with things was telling people what to do. It was a huge adjustment for me when my daughter would throw food at me at 12 months and I couldn't jump in her face and set her straight.
2 or 3 times in the last 17 months, I had to set her in her bed screaming and go take a breather. Sometimes I just try and laugh it off. Definitely not alone.
--Josh
Thank Heaven
Seriously guys, I can't tell you how happy and relieved I am right now. My 5 yr old son has learned every possible trigger I have and even inventing some more, and like MileHigh Dad said, about 15 minutes of every hour are good, the rest is a serious pissing match between him and me. I am so relieved that my son is not the spawn of satan like I swore he was, he may just be a normal 5 yr old. My biggest trigger is when he is being his normal self, and I discipline him, I get the "your not my friend or I hate you" line from him.
A good friend of mine is a school psychologist and teaches Love and Logic, and like has been said, something work and some don't.
Earlier
My oldest hit this stage just after he turned 4. He will be 5 at the end of May and I think he is already coming out of it a little bit. Then again, maybe it's going to explode in a few months. Yikes!
I usually have one beer or glass of wine every night after the kids go to bed. It really takes the edge off after my daily battle. My wife noticed that I had recently upped to two and sometimes three. uh oh. Not a good sign. I better start going to the gym instead.
Frustration
I totally understand. My son just doesn't get my stern face. He actually thinks it's funny, which just makes matters worse. I was raised in a household where you didn't get spanked so I'm not going to start with my son, but I can tell you there are sometimes I think "boy, a good crack on the ass would set him straight." I found the best way to deal with it, when I feel that frustration bubbling up, I just take a moment, take a deep breath, and project my mind somewhere else for a few seconds. I know that probably sounds cliché as hell but it seems to work.
Joined: 2008-01-13
Dad Points: 33