i'm getting ready to leave work to become a stay at home dad. i'm not sure what to expect. i'm excited that my wife and i won't have to juggle schedules and home life will be much better, but should i be worried about losing a part of myself? i've been in the work force since i was 18 and now i'm 34. any advice is appreciated
new sahd to be
Be prepared...
to never look back.
You won't lose part of yourself, you gain qualities you never knew you had. This is truly the greatest thing I've ever done (and i used to blow people up for a living).
Welcome, and enjoy the ride.
-Will
gamingwithbaby.com | all your diapers are belong to us
my flickr
great advice
i appreciate your input. yeah my wife and i work full time, and for the past year it seems like sophia spends more time with the daycare teachers then with us. we decided recently that we want more family time and it would definately be best for all of us. i can't remember the last time my all 3 of us have spent a weekend together when nobody had to work.
you blew people up? military, i'm guessing. i was in the marines for 6 years myself. boy what those guys in my platoon back then would say if we had a reunion and i am a sahd. kinda funny.
Best 4 years I've had
I have no complaints. I've been able to get back into school, I've seen my son take his first steps, heard his first sentance, and I get to play at the bounce house whenever I want to!
It has it's moments, but you'll never regret being there for all of those things that you were paying day care people to see while you were missing them at work.
Oh, and check out the at-home dad's convention in Sacramento this fall, you'll be able to meet all these other guys in the same career field!
Staying home is like becoming a new parent
Before you have a kid you worry "Will this change me into some unrecognizable version of myself? Will my old life disappear?"
The answer to both of those questions, for me, was well "Yes."
But the answer isn't the significant part; those questions really bespoke a deeper worry: Will I regret becoming a parent?
And that answer is "No." Because being a parent is a change, but it's like the change you would undergo training for a marathon, not running a 100-meter dash tomorrow morning. It's gradual, and strengthening, and you keep up with your challenges. It is only looking back, from the middle of the marathon at the self you were before you started training, that you feel the change that has taken place. This is how I think about being a parent.
And becoming a stay-at-home dad has crept up on me in precisely the same way. It's only looking back from a quiet place, when my daughter naps, that I can see how much my daily life has changed and how I've changed as a person. But when I'm in the moment I don't even think about the life I used to have; and when I do think about it I don't regret no longer being that person.
So the answer to your question, for me anyway: "Yes, you will lose part of yourself." But the answer to your real question, whether or not you will regret the loss, is: "No more than you regret losing skin cells. And you won't notice it any more than that either."
Good luck, and welcome.
Thoughts about fatherhood, philosophy, fencing, and hockey abound at http://shawn-burns.livejournal.com/
You might be surprised...
my brother is an ex-Marine, he's 33 now. The last time I saw him, much to my surprise, he told me he admires what I am doing and that he wouldn't mind being a SAHD. Of course I said, you're joking right?, thinking it was some sort of sympathy statement. But his reply was more or less, "I'm totally serious, you don't know how good you have it to be able to enjoy your kids full time... and not have to deal with all the sh*t most people have to deal with every day at their jobs". I didn't need much of a reminder, that's for sure.
All I can say is, from my experience, when I first started as an AHD, everything seemed like it would be much worse than it actually turned out. Everyone worries about what they are unfamiliar with, it's only natural. It's really not much to worry about. In fact, it's more to look forward to... all depends on how you look at it and approach it.
Thing is, we get to make with it what we want. If you make the most of it, most people will respect what you're doing, whatever it is in life.
Welcome to the Jungle!
It's kind of like your freshman year in college (or my freshman year, actually). You have to stay busy, keep an active schedule, make a lot of friends, and excercise or you'll gain the "freshman 10" and constantly want to go back to your hometown and reunite with the girlfriend you left behind (or job in this case). Don't allow yourself to stay inside, or to watch a lot of daytime TV, or to become isolated. That is a fast-track to daddy depression. For reals, yo.
Best of luck to ya. Keep coming around and posting when you have time.
I clean stuff
I clean diapers, I clean blocks off the floor for fear of stepping on then at night, I clean the cars, I clean up after I cook, I clean the shower, I clean the dogs pooh, I clean and there for I am
I tell you this because I clean all these things with my partner in crime, (Kaitlyn 2.6 ) Before I was a sahd I hated to clean! Now it's the greatest time I have ever had. Things have a way of changing. You too my friend will change. You will change the way that You change. Embrace the time you have with your little one, take lots of pics and carry the video recorder around the week you think she or he will take their first step.
Will you loose something or a part of yourself . You will have Dad brain you're gonna loose a lot of shit. But a part of yourself Naaaaa. You'll gain more than you'll ever loose.
Plus if you're thinking like this now you will be fine. You wont let yourself do that.
Chef Kev
NaNu NaNu and Shazbot at one time were all part of our vocabulary
JPhillip said it, therefor it is, Chef= C=Caring, H=Helpful, E=Excellent, F=Fubar.
Joined: 2008-03-11
Dad Points: 42