This guestion came up the other day from my 10 year old daughter. She is a middle child and is always looking for some reaction or attention from me. I try to give as much attention to all the children but usually the smaller ones gather the most. I'm sitting on the coach watching what ever the kids are when she sits next to me and ask..."Dad, how do you use a Tampon"? Well, how would you handle this? I peek over my glasses and just looked at her. Not saying anything. She comes back with "O, I forgot I'll ask mom". I told her she should talk to her mom or older sisters and asked her if she has become a lady. Now 10 years is a little young, and I understand they are having them at an early age. She is turning 11 in a couple months. Her sisters were at least 12 when that happened and they sure didn't ask me about it. I also talked to the wife and she assured me that that did not happen. She only spotted and thought that was it. So how would some of you handle a question like that esp. the dads that don't have a female influence for their daughter.
How Would You Handle This?
By answering it honestly. How else would you answer it? Obviously I would prefer the wife handle the questions from the girl, but if I'm going to have a good relationship with my daughter I have to be prepared to answer these questions too. So like I said, I would answer them as honestly as I can. If I'm able to do this, she'll be much more willing to come to me with the hard ones (the ones about sex) later. Yes, I don't enjoy answering them, and would certainly prefer that she ask mom, but she needs to know she can come to me and ask anything.
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I only have a 4 year old son, so I can only answer what I think I would do. I would give a short honest answer and then refer off to mom for more detail.
Great question. This is prime material for the Dads with Daughters forum at the 13th Annual At-Home Dad's Convention, November 8th, 2008 in Sacramento, CA. (yes, shameless plug)
I think I would defer more to mom out of my uncomfortable-ness with it.
And I'll try not to have the blank stare with no answer! I agree with dkremmers, of course always answer as honestly as you can.
Perhaps in the moment, ask how do you use one as in why? or how as in directions for using one? and follow up with do you need to use one right now?
Does she know what it is about? Why she (what makes her body) needs them? If not, then schedule a sit down with the three of you to talk about what goes on with changes in her body, but let her know that if she is uncomfortable with you being there, then just her and mom should talk. (?) Perhaps then you aren't resigned to just sending her off with a "ask your mother" answer.
Any guys here with older daughters been through this?
BrianC
Is my dad in here now too? Wow! Hi, Dad! Dayv...and all, you can call me by my name...and interestingly enough Dayv...it's David. But, back to the topic at hand. I had a similar experience with my son just the other day. He's 10. I've always been open with him and answered questions when he asked so I was prepared for what he could ask; you know, when will I get hair down there like daddy? Where do babies come from? etc... What I wasn't prepared for was the one he just asked. What does it mean to masturbate (actual said it that way too.)? Not to bad a question so far...I answered it, but of course he then asks...how do you do it? Is it wrong? Do you do it? etc... I swallowed hard and answered best I could. At the end of it all, I feel like being honest with him helped bring us closer together and I also know now he feels safe asking me pretty much anything. So I'll say it again...just be honest, even with the uncomfortable stuff...it will pay off in the end. Oh, there's nothing wrong with them knowing you are a little uncomfortable talking about some of this stuff...but they need to know they can come to you and you will talk about it, even when it makes you uncomfortable. Ok. I'm done now. LOL
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When the time comes, another thing you could do, is just sit down and look at the box and read the directions together. The instructions should be fairly technical/generic enough that you won't feel too awkward. And, you won't risk telling her anything that's just wrong. Plus, she can always go to mom or a big sister later if that is not enough for her.
If it's not time to have this discussion with her yet, then just tell her so, but make sure she knows it's ok to ask you again when it's time.
I wasn't uncomfortable with the question, I was caught of guard. It was a few days later that my 13 year old told me they were out of pads and was worried about toxicshock. 2 questions in one week that I didn't have a knowledge base to pull from. 2 questions that I didn't think they would ask me. I"m elated that they feel comfortable enough to ask their dad these questions, but I can't help feel that I didn't know enough of the subject to answer them. I was caught with my pants down and my head in my keister.
When I was a kid, I didn't have much a father, but my mom knew it was time for that birds and bees talk. Boy was that awkward. Halfway through (before I even knew she was talking about) she got up and just left. She apparently went straight to the bookstore and bought a book for me and said "Here's what you need to know." Damn sight more interesting, too.
Anyway, I cringe at what Dave and Brian say, but I know they're right. I guess I need to start working up the nerve right now (she's only five -- that'll give me a few years).
But I also think there are two aspects to this. The "When a girl grows up into a big girl..." and the "This is how you do it..." I'll probably cover a bit of the first one and holler for my wife to help out with the second. Or follow JPhillips boxed suggestion.
Yikes. I guess we really have to face these things, don't we?
I'm sure I said exactly what you all would have said. :P
Check out my ramblings on life at http://www.sahdguy.blogspot.com/
Joined: 2008-03-20
Dad Points: 125