Leave yourself discretion to "bump things down" the list or off of the front page if several members think it's a good idea as well.

Is that technically possible, given your set-up capabilities?

Mike,
For times sake, I will just repost what I took the time to write in yesterdays topic. I will just add that this will simplify and clear space as well as address MHD's concern. I am happy with whatever the site can offer. No such reformat option to vote. Thanks... Joe

-Reformat the Active Topics list. There's this thing that's following me everywhere, at times over lapping text entry and blocking my view or in the way when I'm in other areas of the site. It may be convenient but is more overbearing, some of the best topics get overlooked. Why does it need to be shown to all the outside viewers anyway?, it's a forum list. Wouldn't it be easier to just set up 2 links, Active Topics & Most Popular Topics (based on # of posts). Each link would direct to a separate page of the top 25, 30 or whatever topics.

Now that I think about it, the first thing I go to is that column on the right. I view the other areas, but secondarily. Habit.

If you want to make other people happier with it, would it be possible (or would it translate into too much labor for you) to split it, kinda like you said, into a Most Recent Parenting on top half and a Most Recent Chit-Chat on the bottom half?

That gets into the question of "what about crossover threads" (parenting chit-chat) and how much extra work that turns out to be. But, honestly, things are fine like they are too.

Seems like most of us are just here for the idle chit chat and a majority of us are using the menu on the right to access it. Also seems that the folks who aren't interested in our chit chat are not going to visit the site frequently enough to make changing the "what's new" section worthwhile to them anyway.

As I said before, I don't believe anything on here paints us in a negative light, so I don't fear Oprah or someone looking at the new posts and thinking less of me/us.

Why should it matter if it showes the stulf protrays a positive image to the media and newcomers or not being a AHD is a not a glam. job and all asspects of it should aways be shown

~Daniel~
In Maine
Keeper of Erin & Adam and my wife keeps me.
The honey do list never ends!!!

I can't believe that any of us out here even remotely can suggest that there is a way that one could keep any website that involves a community of people that are free to exchange ideas and information in any way they want to (within reason...see the posting guidelines) systematically chained to some utopian ideal based upon those individuals that make up the community. More specifically, this website cannot promote a utopian view of a SAHD or involved father without sacrificing the freedom of individual expression. In other words, it would take censorship to make this site and all discussions on it project some sanitized version of what a SAHD or involved father is.

Look people. None of us live inside of a box where all that defines who we are is related to being a SAHD or involved father. Looking at us merely as SAHDs or involved fathers does a huge disservice to who we are as people. We have many interests, ideals, and idiosyncrasies that drive each of us. Yes, we are SAHDs and involved fathers. But we are also people that like to talk about music and coffee, like to find out about others' interests, like to poke fun at each other the way that friends do, have good days and bad ones, and occasionally need help choosing adult toys. It's called the human experience. Trying to restrict this website to a utopian ideal would mean losing that.

Randy
Cincinnati, OH
SAHD to Ryder (2 yrs)

Great spirits have always experienced violent opposition from mediocre minds. - Albert Einstein

and I believe that is the way everyone feels. My understanding of the issue that is raised here is to the first impression to the outside community and newcomers, our something like this. When we met someone new or go before the public, it is not common practice, courtesy or typical that we would come right out and say everything about ourselves, ie. I'm a sex toy user, I'm a cross dresser, drinker, drug user, for gay rights, against abortion, prefer Huggies and the sort. Whereas when talking amongst the boys, our group, they might be offered more easily. It's not so much a matter here of the topics we discuss or how we go about expressing ourselves, as it is how we want to represent as a profession and how the site chooses to represent itself. And as others have said, there's nothing out of the ordinary anyway.

To explain the purpose and place of these topics, humor, small talk or being a guy (the way we see it) on this site isn't absolute necessary but may be beneficial.

It's good things can be discussed, no one has all the answers. This place has come a long way from Slow Lane, and as I said before, just like being a parent, an AHD, a human being, it's a process.

If I'm not mistaken, I do believe there has been improvements made to the active list, they are not bleeding over the margins as much, sorry if I did not notice.

To further clarify the purpose of my previous post, and forgive me if I'm falling into the trappings of my Psy-Soc background, explaining the purpose of humor may seem trivial, but we all use it as a coping mechanism and way of dealing with stress. It's actually one of the more healthy way of achieving this, massages and sex are better, but that's for another topic. Doesn't hurts anyone or anything to mention this, or any other, aspect of the site.

As far as the visibility of the topics, I've explained some above. But for regulars or future members here, some may be AA members, take issue with Odd Looks or the fact that it's even a topic, take issue with this topic being discussed, or have any other number of personal, moral, ethical or otherwise concerns. Not to go into any of this, but perhaps some consideration can be given that the active topics are always in view when browsing the site, there is no choice. Yes, they don't have to read them but it is a constant reminder to someone who may find something out of line, personal or objectionable. I think it was the Doodleboops that did it for me.

I like the suggestion of having the right column only available to members who are logged in. Or to make it an option that can be turned off if that is possible.

I will say this. Conversation will dwindle to nothing without the right toolbar. And I would probably not come back very often without it.

.......................
altparenting.com

Ever since MHD's rant and huge guilt trip, conversation has already dwindled to almost nothing.

My feeling is that it's just because it's the weekend. It's always slow on the weekends...

I agree
........................
altparenting.com

It was a lot quieter for a few days last week too. I am hoping that it was just the spring weather.

But I fear nothing will change as this topic keeps coming around and the difference of opinion in what this website represents to the users and to the creator(s) is so vastly different.

Lose the "What's New" box. It serves no purpose. And it doesn't exactly fit into the ideal of the positive message that some want displayed here, now does it?

-Will
gamingwithbaby.com | all your diapers are belong to us
my flickr

I don't really understand that. You seem to think the "users" are of one opinion and the "creator" is of some other, differing, opinion. That doesn't seem accurate to me. Could you explain what you mean?

What does the website represent to the users? What does it represent to the creator?

Mike, I completely agree- you've never seemed anything but neutral on these matters, to me at least. If you weren't why keep asking us what we think??

Will,
I respectfully disagree, man. Mike is always neutral. And, he always throws up a poll question or two when a debate such as this arises. Then, he waits to see what the "users" have said. Granted, he is a little bit like the U.S. Government was intended to be, with checks and balances, and therefore, slow to change. But, this serves a good purpose and provides some sense of stability.

I really don't think it's a users vs. creator thing.

For what it's worth, I like the what's new box. I keep trying to read all of the comments until I see that there aren't anymore "new" for me. I guess I am a little compulsive when it comes to trying to read everything. I think that' probably what really drove MHD over the edge. He felt overwhelmed trying to read every comment and then became further frustrated when he saw that a lot of the comments were silly chit chat back and forth.

I have commented before that I felt like I was trying to drink from a firehose. But, I digress.

Vote on the polls. Mike will probably do what the majority wants.

The confusion, or conflicting views rather, comes from the idea that you want this to be an oasis for SAHDs, but you also want it to be an outlet for resources to the media. These two ideals, to me, are in a constant state of conflict. You can't expect SAHDs to be themselves, to feel welcome, and to let loose and in the same breath tout this site as a resource for the media and researchers to use for information about SAHDs. You can't have it both ways in my opinion.

But as I said, this is the same old discussion I've seen at least three times that I can remember. It's a tired discussion, it's been done, move on. As I said, lose the "What's New" box, it serves no purpose.

-Will
gamingwithbaby.com | all your diapers are belong to us
my flickr

I'm like JPhil in that whenever I come back to the site I go through the What's New box for new comments and new threads. That's where my visits begin, and if that box goes I'm less likely to post as often. That may be the point of getting rid of the box (to cut down on the number of posts that aren't well thought-out dadvocate posts) but I think it would hurt the site Participatory-wise.

More participation means more chances that someone will post something just spot on and helpful. If we all post less often, we will all feel less comfortable posting at all, even when we have something good to say. It would take a lot of deep feeling about a topic to break the inertia; lots of participation lets the inertia work for us. And lots of participation means letting us easily keep track of where the new posts are.

http://backpackingdad.blogspot.com

the added what's new in your groups feature. I chat more within my groups than I do in the public posts. It makes it a lot easier to view new posts to conversations that I am having.
That feature is more valuable to me than the other What's New.

North Carolina Dad's Group
http://lindsaybeans.blogspot.com
http://oneredsquirrelinstatesville.blogspot.com

I live to see that box full. Whether or not I will read some post or comment I get all bubbly when it is in the red.....
As for Mike, I feel he is here for us and we are here for him. He has always been neutral and is always been able to extract what the web site needs right around the time "we" need it.

Chef Kev
Please stop biting Daddy's buttocks !!!!!
JPhillip said it, therefor it is, Chef= C=Caring, H=Helpful, E=Excellent, F=Fubar

Just a few followup comments:

I understand your reasoning, but your understanding of my view is not actually correct. I think you've jumped to some incorrect conclusions on what I want. To clarify: I want it to be an oasis. That is the primary purpose and always has been. There are some different parts to that - advice, chit-chat, etc, but they're all part of the "oasis" concept.

The concept that it's a "resource for the media" isn't "my goal", it's just the reality that inevitably occurs because we're out here in public. The media finds us. That's fine with me, but it's not the primary purpose of the site. There are others who are much more concerned about the media and would put "media image" above "oasis". That is perfectly fine too, but it's not my personal view, nor it doesn't seem to be the majority view. My philosophy is this:

1) This is a place for dads (an "oasis" if you prefer that term).
2) It's public. Thus, the media will find us.
3) We are not idiots.
4) We are all capable of applying a modicum of common sense, decency and respect, as would be expected in any kind of group setting.
5) Because of 3 and 4 (and 2), the "positive media image" will take care of itself. Perhaps not perfectly, but sufficiently, and realistically.

There have been discussions on the site being a media resource, but that doesn't equate to "touting" it. Again, my position is as outlined above. There's nothing there about touting the site as a resource, but it is a resource just because of its nature.

That's fine with me. Personally, I'm proud of the guys here and what's on the site.

It seems to serve a purpose to a number of people who have commented and voted above. Since the vast majority seems to like it, it will probably stay.

As for the speed at which any changes get made...sometimes they're fast, sometimes they're slow. It's depends on how complicated they are and, more importantly, what's going on in my life. I have kids too, ya know. :-)

Everyone should visit here and throw in their two cents (or more). But that's just me. Regardless of what anyone thinks of the what's new box this is an awesome resource/chit chat/media outlet/sex toy info/blow off steam/advice/whatever site

Thank you very much for putting those thoughts out there. They just reaffirm my thoughts of what the site is and should be.

And for JonMcP, you get a virtual high-five my friend.

Randy
Cincinnati, OH
SAHD to Ryder (2 yrs)

Great spirits have always experienced violent opposition from mediocre minds. - Albert Einstein

Mike,
I think what you said is great. And, I wasn't criticizing the speed at which changes are made here. I was saying that you take the time to listen to both sides of every argument before you make any major change. I think that is very important and I am glad that you do it that way.

For me it is great to have a place to see the latest stuff, chit-chat and all, and I think that we should just be ourselves here and let the media take it for what it is. If they go looking for inappropriate things, if they search hard enough they are going to find them, but as another famous guy has said "that is just my .02!"

db
Father of three,
Mac (6), Tavie(4), and Buddy(3)
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Denver_Dad/