Much to my mother's chagrin, I owe much of my sense of humor to the usual gang of idiots at Mad Magazine. Imagine my reaction when I read this weekend that Al Jaffee, mastermind of back page fold-in, received a long overdue Reuben for Outstanding Cartoonist of the Year from his peers at the National Cartoonist Society.
Vin-di-CAAA-tion!
Where would I have been without Al Jaffee, Mort Drucker's movie and TV satires, Sergio Aragones' "Spy vs. Spy" tales, Don Martin's "Adventures of Captain Klutz" and the rest? Probably on my yacht in the Caribbean, counting the millions I made in a real profession.
But I'd be counting very, very dourly.
So, in tribute to one of Mr. Jaffe's most influential works in my life, here are some "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions" about being an at-home dad:
Q. Do you miss going to an office every day?
A. Definitely, because nothing matches the thrill of sitting in rush-hour traffic.
A. Yes, I just can't seem to get enough exposure to florescent lighting on my own these days.
A. Sorry. I was too busy enjoying life to hear what you said.
Q. Does it bother you that your wife is the family breadwinner?
A. Of course, it does. I graduated with a degree in journalism specifically because the field offered such lucrative earning potential.
A. Well, it is completely throwing off my plans of living off welfare and food stamps.
A. I have a wife?
Q. Do you must miss interacting with other people every day?
A. The telemarketers fill the void, assuming you stretch the definition of "people."
A. Like a trophy wife misses her wrinkles and saggy boobs.
A. With a credit card and an Internet connection, I interact all I like for $3.99 a minute.
Q. You must love doing housework?
A. Yes, especially in stilettos and a frilly French maid outfit.
A. Have you seen my house?
A. Yes, and if I don't get a hit of Pledge, Windex and Clorox fumes soon, I'm going to go postal on your ass.
Q. Your children must enjoy having you around all the time?
A. Those aren't my children. I rented them from a real working couple.
A. I have a court order here that says different.
A. Shhh, they'll find me.
Q. Do the mothers look at you strangely when you show up to your children's events during the school day?
A. Strangely? No. Lustily, yes.
A. Only when I forget my pants.
A. Yes, it's jealousy over how much better I fill out my sundress.
Q. Does being an at-home dad make you feel like less of man?
A. Yes, but I make up for it in beer consumption and poor hygiene.
A. No. Do you feel like more of a jerk for asking?
A. Yes … yes, it does. Excuse me, I need to cry now.
A. It won't once I restore the balance by opening this can of whoop-ass on you.
See you around the blogosphere at "Always Home and Uncool" at www.blogonkevin.blogspot.com.
Loved it!
Good old Mad Magazine. That was great! Thanks for the laughs.
Colin
..........................................
http://www.altparenting.com
funny
Funny stuff...
As a a fellow lapsed journalist, I especially enjoyed Question/Answer #2!
Dave, full-time child roadie for Owen and Amelia
www.davebrigham.com
funny ... because it's true
Dave: Working at a newspaper is a great job if you can afford it.
On one of my first interviews, the managing editor asked if I had a car. Not yet, it's the first thing I'm getting after graduation, I said.
"Get one that gets over 30 miles to the gallon," he said. "That way you can make a few extra cents off the mileage reimbursement."
One of the best pieces of job advice ever.
Glad you like it.
Always Home and Cool
www.blogonkevin.blogspot.com
Stop juvenile myositis through www.curejm.org!
well, since you asked...
Q. Do you miss going to an office every day?
A. Yes, terribly. Now I make $100,000 a year in 10 hours a week trading stocks online, & I just don't know what to do with all the free time.
--LennyNY
Very funny
Very funny concept here. I laughed aloud several times.
Howard Ludwig
Very funny thread my friend.
Very funny thread my friend. Thanks for the laughter and I am as well glad that Mad Magazine finally received some much deserved glory for all the entertainment that they have been providing to us readers for years!!!!!!!!!!
Last question, 1st & 2nd answers sum it up nicely for me
Speaking of non-lucrative careers....there is an old saying that if you want to make a small fortune in aviation, it helps if you start with a large one.
Thanks for the update on Mad Magazine. Brought back lots of fond, funny memories.
Making it look difficult. Living the dream.
Wife as the Family Breadwinner
Being the "breadwinner" is such an over rated goal anyhow. Have you ever, in all your life, seen someone win a competition and they got a nice warm, freshly baked loaf of bread? Not much incentive is there? Nope, being at home is fine, I can bake all the bread I want and don't have to go out and compete to win it.
Great sense of humor, keep at it.
SAHDs can blog too. Visit my site at BlogonSC
Good stuff
AlwaysHomeandUncool, that was a great piece of writing. I WILL be using a few of those when people ask the absurd...will be stopping by your blog regularly...
Turn the Tables
I also like #2. Especially, the "I have a wife?" answer.
Do you miss going to an office every day?
A dad asked me how I can stay home all day and put up with the kids. In his distorted perception my whole day was filled with chaos, conflict and unruly children.
So I turned the table on him.
I noted that at his office he works with adults who often act like children. (He agreed.) At least my children’s behavior is age appropriate and I have the power to help turn them into responsible adults.
There are many types of
There are many types of credit cards and some do accept cash advance loans but it depends what you are looking for. People will always need a quick cash fix and a cash advance or unsecured credit card in most cases is a good source. If you have bad credit or no credit and need bad credit loans cash advances don't perform credit checks so it's another option.
So, so true
Another Journalism mahjor-turned SAHD. There might be a trend there! With your permission, I plan on using some of those answers in fututre conversations.
Re
>>Q. Do you miss going to an office every day?
>>A. Yes, terribly. Now I make $100,000 a year in 10 hours a week trading stocks online, & I just don't know >>what to do with all the free time.
Are you looking for a diligent learner? I work 10 hours per day at trading stocks and have only $500 cash per week
Too funny!
I especially love it when women try to "help" me with my kids. I often say "I got this, it's my job."
Have fun!