"Mr. Mom"

INDYSAHD

Posts: 2
Joined: 2008-08-04
Dad Points: 6

Hello Hello,
Just visited this site after reading an article in the paper. The posts do seem helpful just to know some of the frustrations of being at home are not necessarily unique to myself. However, I was just wondering if anyone else gets annoyed being called "Mr. Mom" 'cause i do. I'm not sure if it's because it implies:
1) I am less of a man for being with my kids
2) That only moms are supposed to take care of their kids
3) That my wife is somehow not being a mom by working
4) That SAHD is so unnatural that we need to qualify it as trying to be something else

I'm sure i am probably oversensitive to this but it it is a real pet peeve of mine. I sometimes want to stop people when they say that and just say hey, I'm not trying to be mom I'm just trying to be a good dad. But i usually just smile and walk away. But it still irks me lol. Way to go SAHDs, our kids appreciate us if nothing else.

Submitted by INDYSAHD on Mon, 08/04/2008 - 7:21am.

ticktock

Posts: 751
Joined: 2006-11-06
Dad Points: 1301

There have been a number of

There have been a number of posts on this topic, but no worries. I think the insulting thing is that the movie was about a bumbling Dad who couldn't figure anything out. Yes, he gets his shit together by the end, but it still seems like an unfair label to put on a stranger.

However, it's been pointed out here that the label is not meant to be insulting. Moms are the one's who have traditionally stayed home, they gave birth, and they have boobies. As progressive as SAHDs are, we should acknowledge that we are in Mom's traditional territory. Plus, these people just think it's cute to acknowledge your role with a pop culture reference. It would be the same as calling a fighter pilot "maverick".

One thing I like to do is acknowledge when I'm having a Mr. Mom moment. Like when I'm at the mall and one daughter is screaming because she's hungry and the other is playing hide-and-seek in the clothing racks.

I do try to discourage my family from using the term "Mr. Mom" and on occasion I correct people and say, "I prefer Mr. Dad" with a wink and a smile. But really, it isn't a big deal.
..........................................
http://www.altparenting.com

Mon, 08/04/2008 - 8:03am

Gaming with Baby

Posts: 535
Joined: 2007-08-15
Dad Points: 754

I am so sick of this

Everyone gets their panties in a bunch over "Mr. Mom." How many of you walked into SAHDdom with kids that age, after working those kinds of hours, and didn't continually screw things up for a while? Stop with this whole "Mr. Mom is an insult to SAHDs everywhere" nonsense, I am so damn sick of it. There is no reason or cause to be insulted by that film. And if for some reason you are, then your priorities obviously aren't in the right place because the last thing you should care about is some stupid label. We do what we do for our kids, not for what we are called.

Had a very attractive co-ed ask me what I did in the craft store the other day (because it ain't normal seeing a guy and his kid in the middle of the day at the craft store), and once I told her she said "You're doing the 'Mr. Mom' thing? That's great, I think it's important for a parent to raise their child." Didn't bother me one bit. Certainly didn't hurt that she was HOT.

I'm not mad at you INDYSAHD, quite the opposite, welcome to the brotherhood. But, honestly, at least once every two or so months we have to relive this stupid and tired discussion and I can't take it anymore.

-Will
gamingwithbaby.com | all your diapers are belong to us
my flickr
BRING BACK THE IRRELEVANCE!!!!

Mon, 08/04/2008 - 10:03am

chitownman

Posts: 79
Joined: 2006-11-12
Dad Points: 115

Problem is that the movie

Problem is that the movie has created an A Typical stereo type and why should we accept this as being all right. Personally I agree and I do get a little sensitive about being called Mr. Mom, as I am not nor ever will be a mom. If I remember as well, Michael Keaton's character was also a bit of a drunk as well. I personally make a point to express the difference between being a so-called Mr. Mom versus an At Home Dad. Once people realize this and understand that we are not Moms, the better off we will all be. It is up to all of us as At Home Dads to set the continuing standard of the At Home Dad as the trend is continuing to grow.

Mon, 08/04/2008 - 11:09am

Gaming with Baby

Posts: 535
Joined: 2007-08-15
Dad Points: 754

Drunk?

Have you even watched the movie since becoming a SAHD?

-Will
gamingwithbaby.com | all your diapers are belong to us
my flickr
BRING BACK THE IRRELEVANCE!!!!

Mon, 08/04/2008 - 11:33am

mbieweng

Posts: 373
Joined: 2006-10-31
Dad Points: 1113

Quote:Have you even watched

Quote:

Have you even watched the movie since becoming a SAHD?

Yeah, I agree. Check it out. Watch the whole thing. Seriously. It's really not that offensive. He gets his act together, he doesn't cheat on Mrs. Dad, the kids turn out ok, etc.

Sure, he's a bumbling idiot at the beginning. There are plenty of bumbling new moms, and plenty of other people of all types bumbling through all sorts of other new situations - careers, parenting, whatever. Sadly, the problem is that the movie (and society's instinct) attributes this to his being a dad, rather than to being a person doing a job that's new to them.

Mon, 08/04/2008 - 12:27pm

Electriclime

Posts: 89
Joined: 2008-06-20
Dad Points: 114

Stereotypes

Welcome to the site IndySAHD! Yes, you've come to the right place to share your thoughts with other guys in your situation.

I don't get offended by the Mr. Mom moniker, even though I think the original connotation is bit offensive to what we do. It can go both ways; Mr. Mom can conjure up images of Keaton flooding the basement with laundry suds and Ray Romano being completely lost at the thought of being in charge of his TV kids for two seconds; but on the other hand our role is becoming more and more accepted and it can be construed as being cool to be Mr. Mom.

What ruins the movie is the moral of Mr. Mom was that mommy decided to quit her job to be with the kids and daddy got his job back.

Rich C. : Novice baby wrangler and cat herder.
http://one-sahd-dude.blogspot.com/
http://good-eats-fan.blogspot.com/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/onesahddude/

Mon, 08/04/2008 - 12:56pm

INDYSAHD

Posts: 2
Joined: 2008-08-04
Dad Points: 6

Mr. irrelevant

Well , I guess I bring up a topic that apparently has been talked to death, so my apologies. i imagine it is completely monotonous to see things rehashed over and over.
I guess i compare this to when my son was born. Everyone kept calling him a nickname I didn't like and i always was telling people to quit, only to find myself now using that same damn nickname 5 yrs later, go figure. So maybe I will run around introducing myself as Mr. Mom in 5 yrs, who freaking knows. I guess time and perspective can lead to different opinions. Thanks for the feedback, none the less.

Mon, 08/04/2008 - 1:33pm

wolf

Posts: 45
Joined: 2008-05-15
Dad Points: 102

Monotony rocks

Of COURSE we all have the same questions each time we fire up on the group. That's the point of gettin' together with your peers! :)

INDYSAHD, I urge you next to vent about your new emotional tensions with your wife or to discuss which children's television shows suck dead deers. These are what SAHD life is made of ;)

BTW, welcome to the site!

Cheers,
Steve

(This message courtesy of a temporarily distracted baby girl.)

P.S. One: no TV for my little truffle pig yet. Two: hark, the boss calls/babbles!

Mon, 08/04/2008 - 1:43pm

Mr. Dad

Posts: 155
Joined: 2008-03-07
Dad Points: 216

Struggling Dads?

I think Mr. Mom is fine as I have said in the past. I would say that it is rediculous to say "Dads" struggle when first caring for the kids, like the movie shows, and society seems to accept. I have seen many new and season Moms struggle with caring for their kids.

Have you ever witnessed a new Mom struggle for the first 6 months to a year? For some reason that is considered normal, but when a Dad stays home and struggles at first, then the Mr. Mom definition seems to be used.

Either way it fine to use, I guess.

Tue, 08/05/2008 - 7:07am

CiaAlum92

Posts: 533
Joined: 2007-12-19
Dad Points: 1583

LET'S PUT THIS TOPIC TO BED!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.athomedad.org/search/node/mr+mom

here's all the threads that contain MR Mom in them

Chef Kev
a b c f g h i j klmnop thv wx 123
JPhillip said it, therefor it is, Chef= C=Caring, H=Helpful, E=Excellent, F=Fubar

Thu, 08/07/2008 - 7:39pm

Electriclime

Posts: 89
Joined: 2008-06-20
Dad Points: 114

Continue beating the horse

Yes it may have been beaten to death, but the point of us being here is that we share something in common and look to others to share our thoughts and seek/share advice. Of course Mr. Mom is a hot topic; it gets down the the root image many of us face in a society that has not fully excepted our role in the family.

Simple internet rule of thumb that too many people miss:
Don't like, don't click, don't read; skip to next topic.

Rich C. : Novice baby wrangler and cat herder.
http://one-sahd-dude.blogspot.com/
http://good-eats-fan.blogspot.com/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/onesahddude/

Thu, 08/07/2008 - 10:14pm

Mr. Dad

Posts: 155
Joined: 2008-03-07
Dad Points: 216

Cranky Oldtimers

I agree with Electriclime. I thought the whole point of this site was to allow new open discussions on topics, regardless if the discussion has been had many times already.

I have seen you Cranky Oldtimers (just kidding by the way) complain often about newbies opening a new thread when a topic has been discussed already. I notice when someone adds a comment to an old thread it often goes ignored, but if they start a new thread it illicits several responses. Personally I would like to see a new thread on an old topic rather than reread 45 old comments to figure out what the last comment is referring to. It also often illicits new discussion on an old topic. If you have contributed in the past, then feel free to ignore the post. There are plenty of newbies who have not had a chance to voice their opinion on a particular topic. Revisiting old topics allows this to happen.

If we cannot revisit topics, and this is just meant to be a reference site now, then maybe the comments should be closed. So no more posting, that way we can just use this as a reference to all the great comments already made by those who discovered the site early on. Surely nothing can be added by the newbies anyways. Surely new topics will not arise. Surely old topics have been thoroughly discussed.

Obviously that is not a good solution, so I say all posts welcome. New and old!

Fri, 08/08/2008 - 7:39am

New No.2

Posts: 610
Joined: 2007-11-12
Dad Points: 850

Mr Mom

If you don't like the thread or feel you have been there before thenn don't read it, don't post. Simple.

Be Seeing You.

Fri, 08/08/2008 - 7:57am

dkremers_1965

Posts: 293
Joined: 2007-09-28
Dad Points: 506

As a Cranky Old Timer...

I agree with Electriclime and Mr. Dad. At least I think I do. I'll have to get the bifocals out and turn up the hearing aid first to be sure :P. Seriously, I do agree with them. I'm all for new posts on old topics...even the beaten to death ones. I'm not at all offended by people calling me Mr. Mom...I've even used it as my on-line screen name before when I played some on-line games. But the site is here to vent about anything we need to vent about. So I say make 100's of threads about this or anything else that someone needs to comment on...those that are sick of the topic can skip it. I usually skip the ones about beer...hate the stuff so why should i bother reading about it over and over? I also agree that often when people post on old threads the new comments get ignored because people don't feel like reading over the other 45 comments again to see what it's all about. Welcome to the new guys and keep posting, regardless of how many times it's been posted before.

Check out my ramblings on life at http://www.sahdguy.blogspot.com/

Fri, 08/08/2008 - 8:15am

Philip

Posts: 4
Joined: 2008-07-28
Dad Points: 8

Soccer Mom Judgment

Hello,
I too am new to this site and came to it as a means of finding support from other good parents. I do not neccesarily think that the term "Mr. Mom" is all that offensive but rather the judgment that goes along with it.
My family is in the suburban part of Chicago and my first few months as a SAHD I had to put up with a multitude of thinly veiled critiques by stay at home moms in my neighborhood. In my experience the hardest part of being a SAHD is breaking through the prejudice that Mrs. Mom is instinctively a better parent and caregiver than Mr. Mom.

Fri, 08/08/2008 - 8:24am

New No.2

Posts: 610
Joined: 2007-11-12
Dad Points: 850

Mrs . Dad

In my experiance women take offence at that. Yet we men are supposed to smile and grin when we are called M. Mom. Just saying is all.

Be Seeing You.

Fri, 08/08/2008 - 12:31pm

leighpierce

Posts: 73
Joined: 2008-08-08
Dad Points: 169

I think it's a compliment

I think that Gaming With Baby has got some GREAT points. Blunt, but great. People are going to say whatever they want. People will always be ignorant. There will always be male sterotypes. Don't let it bother you. If you ask me, if I'm called "Mr. Mom", it sounds like they're comparing me to my wife. And I couldn't think of a more amazing compliment in the world. It's all on how you look at it. And I look at the worl through crayola colored glasses. No. Seriously. They colored my glasses.

Fri, 08/08/2008 - 7:12pm

PeterAB

Posts: 67
Joined: 2006-11-07
Dad Points: 103

Yes!

I couldn't agree more - Will has hit the nail directly on the head, especially regarding priorities. Keaton played a regular guy who made understandable mistakes. He was hardly a pedophile. I couldn't care less about being called Mr Mom - aren't there bigger things to get upset about?

Will's also an excellent photographer - check his stuff out on Flickr.

Peter, Charlotte & Dorothy.

Fri, 08/08/2008 - 8:59pm

CiaAlum92

Posts: 533
Joined: 2007-12-19
Dad Points: 1583

BTW

I"M NOT CRANKY "I'M GROUCHY"

and you will find that this subject and only this subject is a major pain in my side!!!!!!!!!! So please don't take it personally, but If it would be in big bold letters on the front page " Chef Kev hates this subject" it would make me happier... In my little world Mr Mom is a bad thing....
As for it being on the front page ..I know it is not in the best interest of the site to do that so I will take what I can get.

Sorry for the rant but ......... I had to I'm Grouchy

EDIT: when was the last time YOUR wife was called MRS. Dad?

Chef Kev
WHY? DADDY
JPhillip said it, therefor it is, Chef= C=Caring, H=Helpful, E=Excellent, F=Fubar

Wed, 08/13/2008 - 12:43pm

Gaming with Baby

Posts: 535
Joined: 2007-08-15
Dad Points: 754

CiaAlum92 wrote:

EDIT: when was the last time YOUR wife was called MRS. Dad?

Never has, but I must be doing something right since she cries out and calls me god.

-Will
gamingwithbaby.com | all your diapers are belong to us
my flickr
BRING BACK THE IRRELEVANCE!!!!

Wed, 08/13/2008 - 12:59pm

mbieweng

Posts: 373
Joined: 2006-10-31
Dad Points: 1113

Quote:I usually skip the

Quote:

I usually skip the ones about beer...hate the stuff

We should really start more threads about wine coolers around here... :-)

(that's an old timers joke...)

Sat, 08/16/2008 - 9:03am

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