Can't help you out with the chromosome aspect of the conversation, I only have girls. I can however empathize...one of mine behaves (and argues) almost exactly the same way...in retrospect the angel-with-others/demon-with-me behavior started when she was about 18 months. She's now 7...I think it hit its worst sometime in the last year and I finally feel like we're moving in a better direction. I wish I had some good tips...to be perfectly honest, I still haven't found the "right" way to deal with it and probably haven't parented this issue all that well...too much fruitless exasperation on my part. The only thing I can suggest is try to identify if there are some patterns to the negative behavior - particular situation, particular issue, particular times of day - and then see if you can eliminate the triggers. For example: if he's power-struggling with you about pulling his pants up, what happens if you just let it go? We were having a post-school stuggle about going to the toilet...I finally just gave up on it...it was easier to have her just change out of wet undies with some regularity than to have a guaranteed daily fight about going to pee before wetting pants.

As nuts as it drives me (and my wife...), we try to remind ourselves that, for better or for worse, she saves her defiant crap for us...as unpleasant as that can make life for the whole family, we are very happy that she can behave so well at playgroup, at school, at soccer, at friends houses, etc. Life would be *really* hard if she were disruptive in those settings.

- Andy

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