Two of the worst things that can happen to a parent are the death of a child or losing a child to drugs. Tina and I just experienced the latter. I’m left wondering if the other would be easier to deal with and accept.
Grant (21) gave up a free education at Pepperdine University, becoming a member of the USA Beach Volleyball Team and a promising professional beach volleyball career for drugs, alcohol and partying with his so-called friends. (According to the current and past AVP players, coaches and referees, Grant had the talent to become an Olympian and the next dominating big man in the AVP.)
I had talked with Pepperdine Coach Marv Dunphy, about Grant’s horrible behavior and attitude while he attended Pepperdine. Coach Dunphy and I made several attempts to straighten him out but he wouldn’t listen or accept our advice.
For three years I had my suspicions that Grant was smoking pot and taking other drugs. This past summer I finally had proof and expressed my disappointment to Grant.
Grant has turned into a selfish, disrespectful and ungrateful person. For the past three years he has also admitted that he hates America and what it stands for – even when he represented the USA in England two years ago. This is very insulting to me, a legal immigrant, and his two grandfathers who served in the military.
My efforts to admit Grant into counseling and cut him off financially have failed, the first because he won’t go and the latter because his mother and grandmother (mother-in-law) continue to enable and provide him with financial aid.
Grant is not attending school or working and living at grandma’s house without my consent. Making matters worse is that Grant is also gambling. I’ve come to the conclusion that he is also dealing drugs.
I told Grant how I’ve lost respect for him as a person and that some day he will regret the choices he has made. And when that day comes I hope he will be man enough to do the right thing.
I’m also concerned and worried for the people Grant will hurt as he continues down this ominous road.
Like the son, who once asked his dad, “Why were drugs and alcohol more important than me?” I want to ask Grant, “Why are drugs and alcohol more important than your family?”
There are three important things I’d like to share that I learned from this unfortunate situation.
First, is that a parent has no control of the genetic make-up of a child. Each child comes with shortcomings. All a parent can do is give his/her best effort to help the child recognize them and then hope that he/she corrects the behavior. Grant has had a history of being lazy and lacking good work ethics. He never finished what he started. Always had an excuse for not completing things. When things didn’t go his way it was always someone else’s fault. When things got tough he would give up. Ask Grant to take out the trash and he’d spend an hour arguing why he shouldn’t.
Second, after your child becomes of legal age (18) you can’t protect him/her from the bad influences in life and prevent him/her from the bad choices he/she makes.
Third, you have to take the good with the bad. I went from being the Proud Dad of a potential, promising professional athlete and Olympian to a father of a drug, alcohol and gambling addict… and possible criminal.
The biggest struggle I’ve had to overcome is to not beat myself up.
I’ve got to keep on daddying because I have two other boys who depend on me.
Joined: 2008-04-21
Dad Points: 269