If you are reading this, you've probably been an at-home dad much longer than I have. I am a Presbyterian pastor who has set aside the pulpit for a season to raise my 24-month-old son and 14-month-old daughter. I've been at home with them for one month now and these are some of my reflections.

Enjoy Being Dad
The kids are falling into a rhythm. They are used to having me at home. They are giving me a little more time to be away from them to take a shower and check my email. At the end of the day I usually think, I enjoy my kids. I like being with them. I like who they are and how they're developing. I enjoy being their dad.

Less Internet
It is still hard to do much blogging. I have seen a number of dad's blogs listed on At-Home Dad sites. I don't know how they find the moments to blog. Right now I'm writing under the threat that Asher (my two year old) will find a way to bounce the valve out of his milk and start sprinkling it around the kitchen.

Isolation
Things are developing well with the three of us at home. Some people I talk to express fear of what it would be like to be in my shoes. I used to fear it, but I don't anymore. There are challenges, but we're doing well. I have yet, though, to find the freedom to contribute much to my blog or participate in my friends blogs. I lived in the isolation of being a pastor for eight years so the isolation of being an at-home-dad has not been as much a shock to me as it might have been. However, my diminished opportunity to connect to my internet friends makes me more isolated.

People talk about the isolating qualities of the at-home dad role. Certainly I have marginalized myself dramatically. There are hundreds of at-home moms in meetup groups in Des Moines with weekly play group events. I have met only one other at-home dad through the internet. We're still trying to have our first play date. I'm not ready to try the at-home mom's play groups. Their founder said I could join. They've had one dad before (one verses 200!?) I have yet to receive any criticism or negative reaction to my role, but I've read stories of other dads being rejected by moms groups. I did have one man make the assumption that I had my kids because my wife was out of town and wish for me that she returned soon.

Marginalized
I am isolated not just because there are few like me, but because I have stepped out of societal expectations and therefore am vulnerable to criticism. Like my black friends who described the feeling of racism from a whole community through the comments of one out of five hundred people, I am affected by the negative comments one makes over and against the ten positive comments I hear and the thousand who make no comment at all. Part of this experience is learning what it means to be part of a marginalized community and standing over and against those who would advise a dad in a grocery store what he should be doing with his kid because dad's couldn't know better how to raise their own children. My black friends frowned and shrugged off those people, 'You just have to ignore those idiots.' On the other side of that coin, they had more of a sense that they had to prove themselves over and against racist expectations. I too feel that I will have to prove that I am an effective parent to people who expect a dad to be incompetent.

Asher seems to be tapping his sippy cup somewhere. I have to go see if he knocked the valve out of it to decorate the dogs with his milk.