What do you do for a living?  Several years ago, this question was easy.  I was a stunt car driver and a professional street fighter on the weekends.

I wasn’t but it sounds way more interesting than social worker.  Besides, when you are asked that question, it’s like an open invitation to create an fictional alter ego who fights crime on the side while drinking champagne with the laidies.  But most of the time, I told the truth, I was a social worker helping those that needed it.

Then I became a stay at home dad and the easy question did not become so easy anymore.  After almost 4 years of doing this gig, it is finally an easy question again but it didn’t start out that way.

You see, there are sometimes, just sometimes, a preconcieved notion of the term Stay At Home Dad.  To the uniformed it sometimes, again just sometimes, conjurs visions of some crack addled jagoff who likes to slap the wife around and refuses to work.  There are also those out there, sometimes family members, that seem to think that we are no good lazy bums that don’t want to work.  And finally, there are those, just a few, that think that men must have a job in order to provide for the family and if they don’t then they are going against the natural order of things and must be burned in effigy.

After 4 years on the job, I finally have a response for some of these people.

Suck my balls.

Now I want everyone to leave a comment for Al Watts begging him not to fire me from Daddyshome.

I have not always had the confidence though that I do now.  I didn’t because I was ignorant on what a stay at home dad actually did, on a day to day basis.  I was ignorant on the amount of work involved, the amount of stress of a single income, and the never ending pressure of parenting.  I have since evolved where I can openly tell naysayers to suck it but it took a while.

So I write to help my new brothers with this question:  What do you do for a living?

When you first start out, it may not be an easy question for you to answer because of the stereotypes that people have out there.  You may not wish to get the judgement stare or the “Oh, that’s nice.  Tell me, do you prefer crack or herion?” from the less informed.  And you may have family members that may not agree with what you and your significant other have chosen to do.  For the new sahd, it’s a tough question and you may not want to tell your mother in law to suck it.

You could go the fictional character route all over again.  You could tell people that you are a butt double for Brad Pitt and that everytime he takes a shower in a movie, that’s your behind on camera.  Lots of fun but you may feel guilty about it after you decide that your butt is way more handsome that Mr. Pitt’s.

You could go the exageration route and tell people that you manage a highly dynamic and constantly changing work environment where the lives of several people depend on you.  They don’t have to know that that means that you have to prevent your toddler from chugging Drano.  It’s not a lie, it’s an ommision.

You could go the confrontational route.  What do you mean what do I do?  Do you work for the IRS?  Who sent you?  Why are you here!  Then you can punch them and run off.   I still personally prefer this one to the more ignorant jagoffs out there but it’s not really socially acceptable.

However, the best route is to go the truthful route.  I’m a stay at home dad now.  I quit my job so that I could spend more time with my family and children and am very grateful that my family is in this position to give me this opportunity.  It’s a tough job but one that is way more rewarding than getting emplyee of the quarter while working at Inatech.  The pay is crap but the benifits of raising children that will become productive adults far out weighs what I have given up.

But if that holier than though goof ball is still giving you trouble, please feel free to tell him to contact Hossman so I can tell him to suck your balls.